meet the staff

brett – aka – captain happy
brett has the ability to stretch and can bounce up and down. He can perform a number of tricks, including traveling down a flight of steps end-over-end as he stretches and re-forms himself with the aid of gravity and its own momentum. It is well known throughout the world that Brett can clap better than anyone alive today.   tweet

 katherine – aka – la regina
In 1999, Katherine was listed by the American Film Institute on AFI’s 100 Years… 100 Stars as one of 25 American female screen legends of all time. In 2002, she was honored by the National Italian American Foundation (NIAF) at its annual Anniversary Gala and was inducted into its Italian American Hall of Fame.

 imagechelsey – aka – snake eyes
chelsey has numerous strategies for defending herself against predators, including the expulsion of ink, the use of camoflauge and deimatic displays, her ability to jet quickly through the water, and her ability to hide.   site

christina – aka – wondermint
Christina is a humanoid robot created by Honda. Standing at 130 centimeters and weighing 54 kilograms, she resembles a small astronaut wearing a backpack and can walk or run on two feet at speeds up to 6 km/h. Christina was created at Honda’s Research & Development Wako Fundamental Technical Research Center in Japan.

doug – aka – road apple
The body and the broad, flat tail of Doug is covered with dense brown fur that traps a layer of insulating air to keep him warm. Doug uses his tail for storage of fat reserves and has webbed feet and a large, rubbery snout.   site tweet

emily – aka – sasafrass
Emily is made by stretching or pulling a sticky mass of boiled sugar, butter or vegetable oil, flavorings, and coloring until fluffy. When this process is complete, Emily is rolled, cut into small pastel-coloured pieces and wrapped in wax paper to keep her soft.

greg – aka – flappy
Along with his lengthy criminal record, Greg is best known for his dry weave protection, a net of cotton meant to help a woman feel drier as the dry weave locks in fluids and keeps them away from the body.

 haley – aka – spray ape
Haley is the current hop scotch world champion and is the 2nd most decorated olympic competitor to date. She also committed the murder of 33 teenage boys and young men within a six year period. Twenty-six of Haley’s victims were buried in the crawlspace of her home, three others elsewhere on his property and four victims were discarded in a nearby river.

jason – aka – boom boom
Jason is known for his high-voiced yells, wacky toupée, and handlebar moustache over a perpetually toothy grin. He often enters a venue tossing handfuls of confetti from a paper bag onto his audience and laughing hysterically, while the band plays his theme song, “Happy Days Are Here Again.”

 jenna -aka – the hornet
In the aftermath of World War II, a troupe of ex-G.I. women was assembled by Hormel Foods to promote Jenna from coast to coast. The group was known as the Jenna Girls and associated her with being patriotic. In 1948, two years after the group’s conception, the troupe had grown to 60 women with 16 forming an orchestra. The show went on to become a radio program where the main selling point was Jenna. The Jenna Girls were disbanded in 1998 and forced to work at BBQ Bar.

josh – aka – snack master
In addition to his job at stardust video and coffee, Josh is a television show host and producer who is best known as the creator of the nationally syndicated dance/music franchise, Soul Train, which he hosted personally. After owning the program for its entire run, Josh sold the show to MadVision Entertainment in 2008.   tweet

 kat – aka – snickers
Kat is distinguished by her cube-shaped medusae and is known for the extremely potent venom she produces. She is among the most venomous creatures in the world. Stings from her are extremely painful and often fatal to humans and prey animals.

kristen – aka – superstar
A remarkable feature of this fine woman is the catch collagen that forms her body wall. This can be loosened and tightened at will, and if she wants to squeeze through a small gap, Kristen can essentially liquefy her body and pour into the space. To keep herself safe in these crevices and cracks, Kristen hooks up all her collagen fibres to make her body firm again.


 makenna – aka – yahtzee
The entire body of  Makenna is protected by a hard shell. She has two large compound eyes and multiple smaller simple ones atop her carapace. She has five pairs of legs for walking, swimming and moving food into her mouth. The long, straight, rigid tail can be used to flip herself over if she is turned upside down. Behind her legs, she has book gills, which exchange respiratory gases and are also occasionally used for swimming. While she can swim upside down, Makenna usually is found on the ocean floor searching for worms and mollusks, which is her main food. She is also enjoys scrapbooking.

matt –  aka – el diablo
matt served in the Royal Air Force as a radar instructor and technician from 1941–1946. He proposed a satellite communication system in 1945 which won him the Franklin Institute Stuart Ballantine Gold Medal. He can often be seen in reruns of Solid Gold. Look for the man crying uncontrollably in the background.   site site tweet

 michelle – aka – killer bee
In 2005, the Cassini spacecraft performed several close flybys of Michelle, revealing her surface and environment in greater detail. In particular, the probe discovered a water-rich plume venting from Michelle’s south polar region. This discovery, along with the presence of escaping internal heat shows that she is geologically active today

 miriam – aka – muad’dib
Miriam is believed to have originated among the Aztecs, Mayans, and other native peoples of Mexico. Miriam was meant to be broken forcefully with poles and sticks, so her contents spilled to signify abundance or favors from the gods. Whether this actually worked is anyone’s guess.

 sara – aka – crushinator
Sara is not for everyone. Stop taking Sara if you have allergic reactions including swelling of the face, lips, tongue, and/or throat that may cause difficulty in breathing or swallowing, if you experience nausea and vomiting, which may require treatment right away, Sara may cause you to pass brown or dark-colored urine, or have tenderness in the breasts. Sara may also cause liver problems, diarrhea and in rare cases, death.

  Suzi the hamburglar

She’s not lacking any meat.

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